“Innocents Afield”

or

Ace Travelers on the Road to Nationals

[Our report on the 2002 ALSA Grand Nationals]

by Pat Greenley and Kristi Murdock

Kristi:  It was back in August that Pat began hyping the ALSA Grand Nationals.  She said we shouldn’t miss out on the chance to see the best-looking, best trained llamas in the country, because the show was only 5 hours away.  But she would have brand new llama babies, my farm caretaker would be unavailable, so I just didn’t see how we could get away.

Then, with only huge, enormous amounts of hinting, our two sainted husbands agreed to tend the farms while we went to Lincoln to see the Rilly Big Shew.  We were excited!  In an even more thrilling development, one of my llamas, bred by Pat and Don, Wild Ridge Marguerita, qualified to enter the show! 

We decided to jaunt over to Lincoln a day before the show opened.  I know Pat is slightly less obsessive about departure times than I, so I figured I had several hours Thursday morning to pack.  However, Thursday morning found my Dolly llama grazing in the front yard rather than in the llama pasture.  By the time she and I negotiated her return to the pen, and I adjusted fences, Don and Pat were pulling into the driveway.  Yikes!

I threw clothes into a bag, and show stuff into the trailer.  We’d fixed up a cozy nest for Marguerita ahead of time, which was all that mattered.  If I’d spent several days at it, I couldn’t have matched Pat’s luggage volume, though.  This woman is prepared for anything!  Cameras, books, snacks, knitting, snacks, soft drinks, snacks, suitcase, cosmetic case, and did I mention snacks?  Thank heaven for extended cab pickups!

Even with all this excitement, we were on the road to Lincoln by 10:00 a.m.  Those of you who know us as quiet, introspective women will probably be surprised to hear that we had a lot to talk about.  Just west of Des Moines, we stopped for gas.  Three more trucks with livestock trailers pulled in behind us.  Llama people!  Headed for Lincoln!  Our adventure had well and truly begun.

Pat:  At the gas station, we ran into (not literally, thank God) Bill and Margo Schultz.  It’s always such a treat to meet fellow llama people on the way to somewhere fun.  They had a trailer full of llamas and are “old hats” at Nationals.  They told us how much fun we were going to have there and got us even more excited.  We couldn’t wait!! 

Further down the road, we spotted the Schultz’s again, and followed right behind them until they veered off of I-80 onto some other road.  We guessed right away what had happened --   they were talking and took a wrong turn.  We knew we were on the right road.  WE had the MAP!  Kristi’s slick software program had called up a high tech, down to the minute, turn left or right, can’t miss it kind of map that even I couldn’t screw up.  And what a beautiful day!  The sun was shining; the temperature was perfect for transporting.  We were women on a mission; good friends, good conversation, enough junk food for thrashers.  It doesn’t get any better than this!

Somewhere south along Highway 29 (Highway 29!) a silly sign, obviously misplaced, read “Welcome to Missouri”.  We looked at each other.  “Are we supposed to be in Missouri for any reason?”  Hmmm.  No problem.   Must have missed that little turn west.  Have some more M & Ms.

Nothing to do but laugh a lot, sally forth, turn around and head north.  We’ve got it now.  This map is great.  We find the road west to Lincoln and off we go.  Piece of cake.

A few minutes later, the truck starts to slow.  I look at Kristi to see if we’re pulling off for some reason.  She looks at me with that deadpan glaze and says, “We’re out of gas.”  I start laughing like a banshee (remember, this is one funny woman with one sick sense of humor).  The truck continues to slow down until we are stopped dead on the shoulder of the road. Kristi isn’t laughing; Kristi is swearing. We ARE OUT OF GAS!!

Impossible!  Who runs out of gas?  One of us surely would have been paying attention, wouldn’t we?  The gas gauge says “E”, the truck won’t go, we’re in the middle of nowhere.   The commander (self-appointed) says she’ll just walk on up the highway because we could see what looked like a truck stop about two miles ahead.  She’ll get some gas and zip right back.  Marguerita and I will guard the truck.

Kristi bundled up and started trudging up the long, desolate, cold highway.  [Kristi: it was warm and sunny].  About a half mile away, I see a white pickup slow down and her get in it!  Now, I’m in a murder and mayhem reading phase and I’m sure, absolutely sure, some maniac has abducted her and the only scenario here is rape and murder. I am frantic!  What to do, what to do! M & Ms.

Five minutes later, Kristi comes tooling up in some sports car with a young pup, jumps out, gas can in her hand, smile on her face and fills us up.  No bleeding, no trauma, no looting, no pillaging.  Just two nice Nebraskans who stopped to give her a ride and lend a hand.  So after a stern tongue-lashing about getting in the car with strangers, I finally shut up and we were off to Lincoln. 

Kristi: Okay, the one guy was pretty strange.  Kids, don’t try this at home.

Pat:  When we drove into the huge Lancaster Event Center, there were volunteers all along the way to guide us to the right building, show us where the stalls were, where to park, where to drop the trailer.  They couldn’t have been more organized or more helpful. 

We unpacked our gear and Marguerita was so thrilled just to be on solid ground and in the right state that she just snuggled in, breathed a thank-you-God sigh and settled down for nap.

We talked with our friendly stall neighbors from the East Coast who gave us lots of tips, then set off to scope out the rest of the site. Literally hundreds of beautiful llamas were everywhere we looked. 

The center atrium of the facility was beautifully decorated with garlands, twinkling lights, great displays and big, convenient tables where folks could renew old friendships and make new ones.  There were a myriad of vendors with lots of new products.  Oh, we could see that our wallets were going to be in BIG trouble!!

The large oval show arenas (two) were large, floored with sand (sprayed down between classes) and surrounded with farm banners from all over the United States representing those showing their llamas. What a thrill to see them all in one place!  The decorating committee had outdone themselves around the show rings and the overall look just loudly pronounced “champions will enter here”.  Bleachers lined one wall for the spectators and made for great viewing

An information office made everything easily accessible and questions were answered quickly by friendly, knowledgeable volunteers who didn’t seem the least put off by neophytes.  We did get a little grief when “Big Red” found out we were from Iowa since our football team had just whopped ‘em, but it was all in good fun and it’s easy to be gracious when you’re on the winning side! 

On our tour of the barns, we ran into those wild LOMers, the Schultz’s and the Bergs.  Bill and Margo asked where we had been because they really had started to worry about us.  They had arrived THREE HOURS earlier!  Well, idiots that we are, we just ‘fessed right up and told them about our little detour.  Talk about one of life’s biggest mistakes.  Those people are merciless!  And to add insult to injury, we told our friends from Iowa the same story when we saw them the next day.  Nobody had any sympathy, not a lick.  Overnight we turned into the jokes de weekend and even though we had earned that position, I think restraint should have been the better part of valor.  Ha!  Those maniacs were like a dog with a bone!

Weary and psychologically abused, we left for the host hotel six miles away and, against all odds, drove right to it.  We went to check in and waited behind a woman who was complaining that the maids were messing up her room instead of cleaning it.  Hmmm.  Too pooped to care, we checked in anyway and got our keys at the same time that another group came to complain about something else.  Hmmm.

In spite of their luck, our rooms turned out to be great, clean and efficient.  We each settled in, then met at the hotel restaurant to grab something to eat.  The service was slow and slower, but the food was fine.   

Back in my room, the mattress was divine and the TV worked.  The air conditioner/ heater had a block of ice around it (on the inside of the room!) but the temperature seemed fine and I’ve got plenty of natural insulation.  Since the people at the front desk didn’t seem to care, I just pulled up the covers and slept the sleep of the logistically challenged, finally-landed.

The next morning, Kristi and Marguerita showed in the second class, Light Wool Yearling Females, so we had to hustle.  The national stage awaited!

Kristi:  Marguerita was so marvelous throughout all of our misadventures – traveling without any llama companionship, but with two insane women, and acting like she did it every day.  She had profusely blown her coat just days before we left, of course, and looked a little bit like a dandelion puff on four sticks, but I brushed what hair she had left and we ambled off toward destiny.  Before we entered the ring, I gave her the ultimate pep talk.  “Marguerita, remember, if you win, you get a BOY!”  I didn’t add that she had to wait until her second birthday.

Marguerita: She must think I’m a total moron.  I’ve done this show thing three times before and I know how it works.  We walk around in a circle and all the people look at how beautiful I am; They give us a ribbon, I nod my head graciously and then I get treats in my stall.  And I know I get a boy for my birthday, anyway.

But this time, the show took FOREVER!  I was SO bored!  I wanted to take a nap, get a snack, go look at boys, anything but walk around that circle.  At one point, Mom took off toward some stranger and I just dug in my heels and said “No!”  Mom had to drag me the rest of the way, while the stranger made notes on her clipboard.  Guess I showed Mom who’s boss!

Kristi:  Marguerita did her paperweight imitation in the ring, but I didn’t care.  All that business about it being an honor just to be nominated?  It’s TRUE!  And when they announced that she’d won 9^th place, I just about fell over.  I was ecstatic, and all the more so because Pat was there to see her!

Pat: I had brought every camera we owned, of course, to be able to memorialize Kristi and Marguerita when they won champion of the universe!  So after Marguerita had done just about that, we zipped off to the Nationals drape to have their picture taken by a “real” photographer just to make sure we got at least one right.  The professionals were there, doing such a great job with posing, etc. that I thought it would be the perfect time for me to get some great shots too.  Apparently NOT!

When the photographer saw me focusing and flashing my camera, I recognized that same I-can’t-believe-anybody-is-that-stupid-and-someone-should-kill-her-look that I remembered from the face on the security guard at the Metropolitan Museum when he saw me feeling up the Rodin sculptures.  [Kristi: See, this is the “confess absolutely everything” penchant she has that got us into trouble with the Schultz’s!]  Pat:  Apparently, the photographer felt he had bought that particular piece of the Lancaster Center real estate and told me exactly where he thought I should stow my cameras. 

 Never slow on the uptake (well, maybe a little), I high-tailed it out of there, cameras flying, while my BUDDIES, Kristi and Marguerita, imitate the Cheshire Cat.

 Kristi:  The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, I must admit.  You’ll be amazed to learn that I forgot our dinner tickets, although Marcia Atkinson graciously allowed us into the feast, anyway.  A bunch of people I don’t know got what sounded like well-deserved awards, and then Sally Rucker emceed her version of the Millionaire Game.  Pat ended up scoring a red-white-and-blue traveling casserole ensemble, and I made off with a little llama clock.  Wow!  We’re not the worst!

On Saturday, we shopped, talked with friends and watched beautiful, lovely llamas all day long.  It was pretty much perfect!  The cocktail party that evening (to which I again forgot the tickets, of course <sigh>), was in the glittering courtyard, and Norris Berg’s participation in the conga line pretty much squared up our reputations, I think.

The next morning, I wish I could say that I felt a disturbance in the Force, but really I just wanted to get back to the arena early to cut down our farm banner since we had to leave before the show was over.  Pam Jensen waved ‘hi’ as she went to get water, but Arla Reitveld, owner of Marguerita’s stall mate, wasn’t so calm.  Apparently, our two girls had managed to knock down the laced-tarp panel that formed their back wall, and Pam had found them with the male llama next door.  Although Doug and I don’t have children, for a few frantic moments, I became the mother of a teen-aged girl.  “We don’t even know him!  Who are his people?  We had such plans for you!”  In a true miracle, the middle-aged llama turned out to be a well-mannered GELDING.

Marguerita:  I wanted a boy.

Kristi:  So I found Pam and gave her a big hug for sorting them all out and tying up the panels.

Finally, we had to hit the road eastward.  It had turned colder, and we wanted to get ‘Rita home.  We took the Schultz’s short cut, watched the gas gauge, and had only one mild speed bump in our smooth road home, where we found our animals lovingly cared for, and our husbands pretty sure we should never again be allowed off the farms.  Ah, well – they’ll forget by spring!

Kristi’s, Pat’s and Marguerita’s tips for Attending Nationals:

·     GO!  If you have any chance at all.  This is a big deal and it is RIGHT DOWN THE STREET!  It may not always be so close.  Don’t miss it!  Many Llamas of Minnesota members volunteered at the show.  How neat is that, hint, hint.

·     Unlike Celebrity, where the host hotel is a hub in its own right, the Best Western really wasn’t.  Maybe we should pick a hotel to be our own ‘hub’ next year?

·     Check the panels in your stalls.  The tarps are tied to the pipe with zip-ties, which may be brittle or missing.  Reinforcement is advised.

·     Several folks brought four panels and made little grazing pens out in the field adjacent to the show site.  Happy llamas.

·     You’re not supposed to bring your own food into the Event Center.  However, you may want to keep some healthy snacks, sandwiches, etc. in the car.  The line for the concessions was often long and slow, and the choices weren’t prime fuel for the competitive athlete, or advisable for those in white shirts.

·    There really isn’t room for a farm display to speak of unless you rent a display stall (this year’s price was $150).  The majority of people didn’t rent one.  Anything you can tie to the stall is fine, but there isn’t any aisle room.

·     Tack stalls are shared with 2 or 3 other farms, but there’s plenty of room for everyone and they’re close by.

·     The water’s the perfect temperature for washing your llamas if you need to and electric outlets are plentiful.